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雅思满分作文精确解读评分标准(二)

雅思满分作文精确解读评分标准(二)

题目

文中

young people

1. young people  1句 原词重现

2. rich students  2句 替换

3.poor students 3句 替换

4. Those               4句 指代

5. They                 5  代词

6. Young adults   7句 替换

7. They                  8句 代词

8. young people  10句 原词重现

9. Students           12句 替换

题目

文中

to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies

  1. 1.      1 句 替换

have a break from studying after graduating from high school.

2. 2句 替换

  1. 1)      have money to travel

  2. 2)      choose to work and become economically independent for a period of time

3.4句 替换

spent some time earning a living or traveling to other place

4. 6句 替换

taking time off at that important age

5. 12  替换

taking a year off may be the best way to gain this

  点评:

  除了能skillfully uses uncommon lexical items,如economically independent, recognition, draw on, 等,能把题目中的关键词不露声色地在文章中重复表达但不觉赘述也是考官范文的功力所在。如题目里的核心主语young people 势必会在文中出现多次,作者分别用了细化(rich students, poor students),指代(they, those)以及同义转述(young people, young adults)来避免重复。同时作文用同义转述的方式多次提及了题目出现的观点to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies。

  这与剑7 test4考生的5分范文形成了鲜明对比,考生的 ‘knowledge and skills’重复了九次,考官点评: there is also a lot of repetition due to inadequate use of referencing and substitution. 所以平时注意对同义词的收集,注意代词的使用以及熟练掌握一些不常用的高级词汇对写作提分有很大帮助。

 

 4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  Ø uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor error occur only as ‘slips’

Sentence No.

句型

1. It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school.

It is quite + adj. for sb. to do sth.

2. The trend is not restricted to rich students who choose to work and become economically independent for a period of time, but is also …

  1. not … but…

  2. 定语从句

3. The reasons for this trend may involvethe recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to universityis rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world.

  1. 同位语从句

  2. 定语从句

4. By contrast, those who have spent some time earning a living or traveling to other places, have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on.

定语从句

5. They tend to be more independent,  which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life.

  1. 定语从句

  2. 并列结构 as well as

6. However, there are certainly dangers in taking time off at that important age.

简单句: there be句型

7. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to readapt to an academic environment.

  1. end up doing

  2. find it difficult to do sth.

  3. 并列结构 or

8. They may think that it is better to continue in a particular job, or to do something completely different from a university course.

  1. 宾语从句

  2. 并列结构 or

9. But overall, I think this is less likely today, when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career.

  1. 宾语从句

  2. 时间状语从句

10. My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons.

表语从句

encourage sb to do sth.

or sb be encouraged to do sth.

11. That is the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why.

  1. That is the best way for sb. to do sth.

  2. 宾语从句

12. Students with such a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and taking a year off may be the best way to gain this.

 并列句

  点评:

  从上表中可以看出,雅思考官范文的句型多变。简单句,并列句及复合句都有涉猎且分布平均,其间再融入一些固定句型及搭配,使得全文句型长短结合,错落有致。

  综上所述,一篇雅思高分文章应该回应题目中的所有要求,提出相应论点并用举例,对比等方法充分延伸; 利用代词和连接词使文章行文连贯自然;合理分段;熟练使用不常用的词汇,运用代词,同义转化等方式处理不得不重复出现的词或短语;句型上长短句结合,充分运用插入语,从句,非谓语等结构,使语法结构丰富多样。