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雅思满分作文精确解读评分标准(一)

雅思满分作文精确解读评分标准(一)

正在准备雅思考试的小烤鸭们都知道评分标准意味着什么,它就像茫茫大海中引导船舶的灯塔,为他们指出正确的方向。在写作备考过程中,评分标准的作用不可小觑,对于四项要求:Task Response(Achievement), Coherence and Cohesion,Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy的精确理解和解读有助于让考生的作文更加接近考官的要求,明确自己的写作方向,对提分有帮助。本文将对考官范文进行解析 ,看看9分的文章如何出色地完成了其中的所有要求。

 剑5 test 2

  In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

  It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. The trend is not restricted to rich students who have the money to travel, but is also evident among poorer students who choose to work and become economically independent for a period of time.

  The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. By contrast, those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places, have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life.

  However, there are certainly dangers in taking time off at the important age. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to readapt to an academic environment. They may think that it is better to continue in a particular job, or to do something completely different from a university course. But overall, I think this is less likely today, when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career.

  My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons. That is the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why. Students with such a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and taking a year off may be the best way to gain this.

  1. Task Response:

  Ø fully addresses all parts of the task

  Ø presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas

段落

 论点

论据

beginning

(提出话题)

It is common to have a break from studying

细化:rich students

poor students


advantages

(支持)

中断学业的好处

1. have broader view of life对比

2. better personal resources对比

3. more independent对比

disadvantages

(让步+反驳but

 

中断学业可能产生的危险

1. never returning to school

2. difficult to readapt to school

3. it is better to continue in a job

4. to do something completely different from a university course

But overall, I think this is less likely today, when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable job.


conclusion

(提出观点)

young people should take a year off


  点评:

  作者fully addresses all parts of the task,即谈论了中断学习一年的优点和缺点;同时presents a position:My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons(结尾段),用对比及列举可能出现的结果作为论据,紧扣题目,完成了with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas等要求。

  2. Coherence and Cohesion:

  Ø uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention

  Ø skillfully manages paragraphing

段落

                连接词

beginning


 

advantages

by contrast

as well as

 

disadvantages

however

but overall

conclusion


  点评:

  衔接:作者文中连接手段多样,连接词只是其中一部分,代词(见词汇部分)的加入使文章更加紧凑。

  分段:开头段引入话题,第二段介绍支持观点,第三段先阐述反方观点,再以but予以反驳,最后一段指明自己观点,段落明确清晰。

  3. Lexical Resource

  Ø use a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated controlof lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’